Nature walk

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring

Tanya

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Yesterday

A sunset silhouette.

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring

Tanya

Hello there!

I know I do blogging wrong.

This is because I write about all sorts of stuff – currently breast reductions and wheat free April but also politics (although not so much of that at the moment -shhhhh, don’t tell the government!), mental health, personal development, parenting and blended families, LGBTQI issues, and I post a lot of photos too!

It goes against all the rules of blogging. However, I’m not here to build a working blog – this is my personal one. So all the flavour of my life is in it!

That doesn’t mean that I don’t care that you’re out there – I do! It’s nice to see that someone has followed me and I will generally check out your blog when you do. I enjoy knowing that a post you took the time to like has meant something to you. I write because it helps me and that it might help someone else is also very nice!

Some of you have been here for a long time and others a short time. Thanks for being here and keeping on this crazy life ride of mine!

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring,
Tanya

Wheat free – day 14

Today we had toast for the first time in two weeks. Gluten/wheat free toast.

One of the local bakeries in our small town does gluten free baking so we went for a try.

For a Saturday morning breakfast, it was soooo good with some butter and honey. YUM!

At $9 a loaf, probably not an everyday food though!

We also observed that it made us feel fuller for longer, which is a little bit more bang for your buck at least! It was nice to have it and I’m happy for the family to have a treat in our 30 day challenge! There’s one in the freezer for next weekend (if it makes it!).

I have not observed many changes to how I physically feel, apart from craving chocolate for the last two weeks. Considering there are a number of things going on (meditation, iron deficiency, boob job recovery), it could be any number of things.

It’s possible that my brain is not really addicted to gluten or has that reaction – which would back up that I’ve not ever really been intolerant of it. I wasn’t really expecting much, just wondering how I might feel. Perhaps towards the end I will feel something more?

B1 and B2 have had no respite from their skin conditions, but this could be for other reasons (latex gloves potentially). I haven’t seen or heard them do any bad tummy things though, so this might be something (B2 would regularly get up from the table for a toilet break)?

Everyone else seems the same – however, my daughter is not getting much gluten free time at her other Mum’s place. As someone who has just been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, some of the reading I’ve done indicates it could make a difference for her.

Meanwhile, we are now considering how to manage going dairy (casein) free to test that food group too. Jury is still out, however I know it will be much harder, with milk solids and various dairy in so many foods!

We did enjoy the cauliflower cous cous and lamb koftas for dinner (and lunch) in the last day or so. The food has been pretty good and I’m enjoying it! The kids don’t generally have to think about it too much, but B1 and B2 still seem to be taking it seriously. Dad is getting them through it too, which is great for them. Even if they end up having burritos (with corn chips) two nights in a row (once there, once here).

There are plenty of sweet and fatty things to eat that are gluten free (coconut macaroons anyone?), so I’ll be surprised if any weight was lost this week. Also, a funeral and wake meant the lovely and I ended up probably eating some wheat for lunch this week. However, we aren’t fussed about that so much.

As for some of the reading I’m doing, today I found a very articulate book segment on the gluten/casein free diet for people with autism, written by a lovely 12 year old called Luke.

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring,
Tanya

My breast reduction journey – continued

It’s now six weeks since I had my surgery.

The tape is finally coming off and I’m getting a better look at my wounds. They look pretty good!

Yesterday I wore a shirt that I hadn’t worn since before the surgery. I was fairly comfortable with it but then I saw it in a photo…I did not like how it looked.

I’m still coming to terms with the way my body looks now. When I had bigger breasts, my bigger tummy kinda blended.

However now I have less boobs it is more prominent. I’ve spoken about this before and that I was warned that it would be so. But as I’ve also previously mentioned, just being told something and realising it are two different things.

I am used to seeing women with smaller breasts and larger tummies and not really thinking anything about it. I’m not used to myself looking that way. It makes me feel a fair bit larger than I probably am – although I am a fair bit larger than I should be.

I see a lot more of myself these days as there aren’t two big boobs in the way!

What I’m trying to do to head off the negative feelings about this is to imagine that I’m shedding a suit of my previous body. I’m peeling it off and the top part has come but now the rest of it needs to follow. I can have quite powerful, positive and real energetic feelings when I fully concentrate on this exercise. Often I’m naked and jumping into my (new) favourite body of water, the loch at Kylesku. When I jump in, the rest of the suit comes off when I hit the water and I swim down in the calm, light and beautifully clear waters the size that I’m aiming for. The size I’ve seen myself be after some particularly effective hypnotherapy. The size of a healthier me.

I’m impatient though. I want it all to be done now. I know in reality it is a slow journey of small changes to ensure that it all sticks. The good news is that via the breast reduction, I’m two kilos closer to my goal weight!

Just don’t take any photos of me right now.

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring,
Tanya

What the hell just happened?

Rollercoaster of a day yesterday.

Apparently things ARE happening with all that meditating and not eating wheat and not sure what else however…

Yesterday I got a call from the doctor’s office after I’d had blood tests for my sugar and cholesterol on Friday. My heart sank – they don’t ring unless something is wrong! And something was wrong, but it wasn’t my sugar levels or my cholesterol! Nope, all is good with them now, thank goodness! Was going to have to bite the bullet and get the diabetes test if they came up bad.

No, instead it was my iron levels. Pretty much on the bottom of the range and needing to be boosted right away! I don’t have periods so I don’t lose iron in that way. However we have been eating less and less red meat, so perhaps that is starting to have an impact? We are eating more vegetables though, but apparently not the ones high in iron! As an aside, did having my operation cause some blood loss that triggered this deficiency? I don’t know however after a bout of (approved by doctor) supplements and checking more red meat into my diet (and OK, probably some other vegetables too!) hopefully it will be sorted the next time I have a test, in about three months time.

Did I have any symptoms? Well, looking at what the symptoms of iron deficiency are, I did! Especially when you consider that iron is what gets the oxygen around the body! So fatigue, breathlessness (I thought I was just terribly unfit, because I am!), forgetting things and actually, some circulation issues (cold toes and that is NOT me generally) in the last few months were things I was experiencing. There were no thoughts about what might be causing that apart from the dreaded diabetes.

So that was the good news!

However, I also feel like I’m bingeing in the last few days. I’m really craving the chocolate after dinner and frankly, during the day as well! I’m not hungry… I just want it.

What is the meditation stirring up for me? Since it is specifically about losing weight (both real and metaphorical), has my stuff been poked into action again?

I have been previously stuck on a number – 100. I’ve been hovering around it for months but after the surgery I busted through it. Well obviously, I’d had two kilos lifted from my body!

So that is a new benchmark and so far I’ve been stable and dropping. The trend continues down. BUT there is always that nagging feeling that eventually it will stop and turn around because aren’t I meant to be fat? Do I deserve to be healthier, really? What if I get thinner and vain? What if…

Losing weight has not been an issue if I diet. It’s always keeping it off permanently that’s the problem. That’s why I’ve been on this journey for a little over a year now and lost around ten kilos in that time (including my boob reduction). I’ve gone up and down but the trend goes down. I’ve made only small, easy and manageable changes to my life so they are sustainable long term.

But although I’m physically capable of losing weight, emotionally, I just keep holding on. And then I eat and then I feel shame. I wish it would just let me go.

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring,
Tanya

Wheat free April – day six

Or should I say, six days in and we still haven’t murdered each other!

I’m not sure if the cravings I’m having for chocolate are about the cravings for wheat or carbs, but that’s what’s happening with me in the last two days. Lots of chocolate cravings.

Of course, this could be for any reason, including emotional and tiredness.

B1 reported today that she really hasn’t noticed any difference in any of her symptoms yet. B2 has been taking it quite seriously and is yet to report anything extraordinary.

The meals we’ve been eating have been quite delicious though. Last night Asian rice noodles with chicken mince and bok choy. Rice and sweet and sour pork. Tonight BBQ meat and salads. It is definitely forcing us to eat more vegetables! For lunch we had corn on the cob, ham and rice Cruskits! Tomorrow we are making porridge for breakfast.

I have to say, even though I wanted to do both dairy and wheat at the same time, it most definitely is easier just doing wheat! Reading the packaging for ingredients, there are so many things with milk solids in it!

My tummy has not acted any differently than previously. If anything, I might be more sensitive to dairy than I’d like to be. However, due to my gallbladder being removed a couple of years ago, I often have tummy troubles and it isn’t necessarily linked to what food I’ve eaten – I can have the same breakfast two days in a row and one day I’ll have tummy trouble and the next day I won’t!

Anyway, week one is almost done and we are all still going OK without our toast, hot cross buns and cake.

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring,
Tanya

My breast reduction surgery – continued

It’s now five weeks and two days since I had my breast surgery.

Mostly it’s fine now and life goes on.

However I’m having a bit more healing pain this week than I have for the last couple of weeks. Not sure if it is because I’m now driving and moving around more or just because, well, things are healing!

The tape is still mostly on, even though it is being chipped away slowly, so I still can’t see any of my wounds directly.

Most of the pain is around my nipples, which react to the air conditioning or sun in the car quite often. So they get too hot or too cold! I guess it is about the contraction and blood flow through the nipple and it’s not terribly painful but it is uncomfortable.

I’ve not bought any new clothes yet, as I’m waiting to see in the next few months if I lose a bit more weight overall.

Most people have now seen me with my new sized breasts and the comments are all positive. I’m still thinking they are a bit heavy but I have to accept that for now and see if things change much in the next few months as swelling goes down.

If you’re having a breast reduction, I hope you find it’s a positive process for you too!

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring,
Tanya