I’m back!

I’m back from my trip overseas. It was two weeks of full on experience, newness, meeting new people, meeting people I became friends with on Twitter.

It was also fast, full of long waits in airports and sitting on airplanes. Which sounds odd in the same sentence!

I’m still finding myself again, back at home. I really haven’t processed anything that happened. It’s all gone in but now I need to sort it out, look at the things I did and work it all out.

Some of it will just be about the beauty and art that I saw.

Some of it will be about the fact that I did it at all!

Of course, some will be about the people I met, especially the friends I made on Twitter. These people really were just as beautiful, wonderful and generous as they were online.

And this is my first blog post back on my laptop in two weeks. I’ve been blogging my trip on my phone. And my goodness, it is good to be able to touch type again!!

Anyway, I feel like I really need to finish off my travel blog so I’m heading over there now!

I’ll be back to this one regularly again from now!

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring
A person


I love these!

From Elephant Journal.

1. When it arrives, cherish it.

2. Whatever you accept, you will get

3. Understand that love is a mirror—it will show us who we are if we allow it to.

4. Only we can make ourselves happy, it is not the other person’s responsibility.

5. Don’t say words with the intent to hurt.

6. Accept and forgive easily.

7. Don’t be scared to disagree, it is healthy.

8. Never be too busy for each other.

9. Do not punish.

10. Accept honest criticism, it is good for us.

11. Admit when you are wrong, quickly.

12. Support each other when the going gets tough.

13. Live in the moment—be present.

14. Leave the past where it belongs.

15. Leave drama out of it.

16. Don’t try to control.

17. Allow a small amount of jealousy.

18. Don’t use comparisons.

19. Celebrate differences.

20. Communicate openly and honestly.

21. Listen very carefully.

22. Don’t judge.

23. Don’t manipulate to get results.

24. Learn and grow.

25. Don’t try to change each other.

26. Don’t condemn each other’s family and friends.

27. Lines, flaws and imperfections are beautiful.

28. Trust your instincts, but don’t be paranoid.

29. Don’t compromise your morals and values and don’t expect them to either.

30. Instead of power, aim for balance.

31. Space is needed to breathe and to grow.

32. Accept that you are both unique—never compare.

33. Have fun, laugh and play—a lot.

34. Be each other’s best friend.

35. Don’t play mind games.

36. Do not carelessly throw away love.

37. Don’t waste energy with negative thoughts.

38. Compliment often.

39. Discover each other.

40. Be attentive and understand what’s not said.

41. Do at least one romantic and thoughtful thing every day.

42. Take picnics and sleep under the stars.

43. Don’t just speak about it, show love.

44. Walk together, cook together, bathe together, read together.

45. Do not be afraid, love requires surrender.

46. Be loyal and faithful.

47. Trust.

48. Be grateful.

49. Fluidity is good, accept change.

50. Don’t sleep on a fight.

51. Don’t cling to it, know when to let go.

52. Discover what turns you both on and explore it.

53. Make love, but also f*ck (regularly).

54. Give and receive without measure.

55. Never gamble with what you can’t afford to lose.

I want, you need (NSFW)

I want to kiss you ferociously, feverishly, desperately. 

I want to have my tongue in your mouth, and yours in mine, searching for the essence of you.

I want your nipples, hard and responsive rolling between my fingers.

I will hear your whimpers and your cries of pleasure.

I will feel the fabric of your clothes and push it aside so I can feel instead your skin. Soft, warm, yielding, desiring my touch. 

I need your body hard against mine, grinding, rolling together, pressing with all parts.

I need your flesh between my fingers, my grip on your body unrelenting, until I’ve felt very inch of you and made you whole, shown you where all your edges are.

You need my fingers inside you, your aching cunt flexes and vibrates in desperation for my touch. Your clit calls for my mouth and my tongue, my sucking and pulling and rubbing,

I will hear your moans and I will not stop fucking you until you cannot breathe, you cannot think, you aren’t even here but transported by pleasure elsewhere.

And I will hold you afterwards and kiss you and give back everything I have taken from you just by looking in your eyes.

New York lament

I have to write this…

I missed you in NYC, Little Bird. 
I looked at young women who looked like you and wondered why it worked out the way it did. 
How did I love you so much and yet, you didn’t believe it. How did you realise too late that you still loved me but I’d moved on?
I guess that’s the lesson for us both. Letting go. You of me, and me of you. 
It cannot be explained. It cannot be understood logically – at least not by me. It seems like such a waste but then again, the time we had was spectacular, terrifying, exciting, frustrating. 
I think we had the Fitz and Olivia love… The touch but never the completion. The passion but not the everyday. We weren’t meant for long, we were meant for the firework explosion that died out, and can never be again, no matter how much we might long for it.
Being in NYC, the place we talked about so often, the place we planned to meet, it’s sweet but the occasional touch of sorrow creeps in. 
Seeing Liberty should have been with you. Perhaps that’s why I was not so impressed by her. She didn’t have your energy. There was no spark in her eyes.
So it’s goodbye New York and goodbye Little Bird. I hope you survive and thrive. I hope your dreams come true.
Because my journey has become so sweet, amazing and wonderful. My life is blessed by people and places I never dreamed of, that I never expected to meet so soon.
I have no regrets being with you and none for moving on. 
Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring,
A person 


Being mutually reliant. 

It’s a tricky dance between dependence, independence and interdependence.

How does one navigate letting someone in enough that they might need them, while still being independent?

How do you allow your walls to come down so that you can let that person in?

Being independent is awesome, but it can be lonely. 

At the same time, I don’t want to be dependent on someone. 

The conflict is when I’m independent but feel like I need someone. 

I think I need to let go of being strong all the time and I’ve been working on that. But when I’m challenged it’s still hard. Still hard to let go of the feeling  that I should be strong enough not to need someone. To miss them. If you miss someone you need them, right?

And doesn’t that make you weak? Doesn’t it mean they can hurt you?

As a manager, sometimes being so independent is a flaw because I feel like I should be able to do everything. Delegation is challenging because it means I can’t do it all. 

In relationships, there is a fear attached to need. 

If I rely on someone, if somehow I love them and then need them for whatever reason (support, comfort, sex, challenging conversations etc), then they have the power to withdraw that. 

Then it’s bargaining. Then it’s resentment and anger – at them and at myself. 

I don’t want anyone to have that power over me but at the same time I know I must allow myself to trust.

Trust they will not abuse the power. Trust they will nurture me. Trust they will allow me the space to be both strong and vulnerable – as opposed to hard and weak.

Trust that they will allow me to grow into a whole person, with all the edges exposed, not just the strong ones. 

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring,

A person

New York train encounter (NSFW)

I imagine fucking you on this seat, the train rocking through the night. There is no one around but the conductor might come anytime…

You’re wearing that black dress and I trace around those cut out pieces while I kiss you hard, running my hand roughly across your breasts through the fabric. 
I pull your legs up and onto the seat and then pull you again so you are lying across it, head against the window side.
I push my tongue into your mouth all the way so you know I own you. I lean on top of you, pressing your body into the seat as I kiss you hard and bite your neck, drawing sounds of pleasure from you.
I don’t let up as I unzip the skirt zipper all the way to the top, feeling the flesh on your thigh as I push your legs open. The cool air touches your wetness…no underwear again.
The train is getting faster as the destination nears…we don’t have much time left. 
I hold the seat edge with one hand and plunge my fingers into your hot, wet cunt. There is no time for teasing now. I breathe over your shoulder, occasionally running my tongue along your ear. 
You hold the wall behind you with one hand over your head and grip my shirt with the other as I fuck you hard, thrusting my fingers into you again and again. Your hips rise up to meet me and I can hear and see you coming, which you do, bucking underneath me.
Finally you stop and I pull you close, moving you to a seated position in my arms as the door cracks open and the conductor comes through. Your breathing is heavy and I smile into a kiss on your lips.

Dear Chastity 

You work at a supermarket in Manhattan, at the deli. I’m not sure why you don’t enjoy your job. Or maybe you were having a bad day. Maybe your life really sucks right now and it’s hard to be happy. 

I hope that whatever is happening for you gets better because it’s unlikely you’ll keep that job if you continue the way you were going today. 
I’m not your enemy…I’m just a customer wanting something from the deli.
Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring 
A person

I’m in New York!

All that avoiding was overcome and now I’m finally here, looking out at a landscape that is foreign, yet seems so familiar.

I’m largely posting from my travel blog: Twitterworldtour.wordpress.com if you want to check where I’m at. 

I’ll still post here occasionally over the next couple of weeks.

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring, 

A person

The day before the night before

So I’m feeling a little anxious about my trip. Actually feel nauseous to be honest.

It’s not like I’m terrified or I’m not going to go.

It’s not like I haven’t dealt with this fear before.

It’s just that it’s there and I need to acknowledge it.

I need to acknowledge that it is a big thing to go to somewhere I’ve never been before, on the other side of the world, by myself.

It’s a big thing. Plenty of people have told me as such.

However, this is the fear I recognise as the ‘do it anyway’ fear.

It’s the fear or anxiety you get knowing that you are about to push yourself into unknown places, both external and internal. You’re going to feel a variety of emotions and experience things that have never happened to you before.

However, these experiences, far from being bad, will most likely be totally wonderful and amazing, which is why (I remind myself) that you are doing this in the first place.

To grow. To move. To become something more.

So even writing this has helped settle me as the contents of my half packed bag lay on the floor in front of me.

Even acknowledging this fear moves it a little further from in front of me to beside me, where it is better as a ‘you need to be careful’ kind of fear, not a ‘OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING???’ kind of fear.

Fear is good. It’s needed. But as my new favourite inspiration Liz Gilbert says, ‘it can get a voice, but not a vote’.

So now that I’m more settled, I’m off back to the excitement of packing and checking and trying to find something to take my money over in that isn’t my everyday purse (too big).

And considering further whether to take this laptop but knowing I won’t, because it’s too much to lug around in my one bag mode. Even though my backpack has the space for it…


Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring,
A person