Heart and ego – the pendulum swing

Two days ago I was grieving, incredibly sad, crying or on the verge of tears all day.

Yesterday I felt like a superhero, unbeatable, strong, and positive.

Today I feel like a peacekeeper between two warring parties, constantly on guard, tending to one and then the other, over and over again.

My heart, tender and raw, longing to believe the good, longing just to give love.

To my heart, I gently had to remind it that the love was over now, that there would be love again, but for now, to just rest. For now, just to help me love myself.

My ego, wanting to serve up stinging words of rebuke, of anger and of painful, hurtful intensity.

To my ego, I had to calm it down, I had to acknowledge that yes, it was entirely right in what it was saying but that the fight was done. There is no person to fight about, they are gone. Time to stand down.

So the pendulum swung between the two all day, and I in the middle, tending this way like a mother with a child, tending that way, like a police negotiator.

I know that both my heart and my ego will soon calm down, and the benefit of the recovery is that I’m aware of this, and I’m working on it. I’m conscious of my emotions and although it doesn’t mean I don’t have them, I’m working hard to not let them control me.

Today I’m exhausted.

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring
A person

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