The dark

The fact is I’ve been miserable this week.

I don’t even know why.

I imagine it started after a rather traumatic evening last Saturday. I don’t blame the fight per se but perhaps it has shifted sediment.

I feel as though all the good I’ve done last year will be shortly washed away. My precious and hard fought 8 kilos will come back before I can stop them.

The body weight recorded in my cells will push to readjust, rendering me again powerless.

Even if it doesn’t, I feel that all of it is not enough to stop me becoming uselessly diseased with diabetes.

I feel unable to relate to the other people in the household, mostly today. My disappointment at their behaviour (which was not terrible in any real sense) was so upsetting that I cried.

I feel hopeless.

And I feel that regardless of how hard I try I won’t ever be good enough for anything.

I feel pathetic for having these feelings and useless that I am still in them at the end of the week.

Things are out of control. The sun is burning 37 degree holes in everything. Why can I not be the person I wish to be?

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring


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