Mean

Today someone asked me to do something and I said no.

Except that they didn’t come out and ask me and I didn’t come out and say no, but we got there anyway.

This person was running late for something else and didn’t want to get something out of their car to do the task. They were late because they tend always to be late.

They wanted me to do a job that they could easily do (even with the issue around getting something out of the car).

I didn’t want to do it because I was doing other things today.

But also I didn’t want to do it because I knew I would resent having to do it. I don’t want to have these bad feelings. I didn’t want to do it because I felt like I’d done enough helping in this instance.

So I had other bad feelings instead.

It’s called discomfort before resentment.

It works pretty well actually, because it is easier to get over the discomfort than deal with the negativity of the resentment.

The lovely sent me this after I told her I still felt mean for not doing it.

“Setting boundaries doesn’t make me ‘mean’. 

I can set limits and expectations for my life and still be ‘nice’.

Considering your wishes doesn’t mean I have to do what you think I should do.

My feelings and thoughts are part of the decision.

And if you don’t like it, that belongs to you.”

She’s right.

Meanwhile, it may not have bothered this person one bit that I didn’t want to do it. They didn’t make me feel bad or yell or argue.

It’s only my self judgement that made me feel mean.

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring
Tanya

 

 

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