I could write about shitty things, but instead I’m writing about my lovely…
There’s a lot of stuff going on at the moment in my life.
This was me last Monday. I was feeling pretty shitty. It could have also been yesterday, except with less sunshine. I was feeling pretty shitty. Not quite as much pain but just generally bad.
These last few weeks have been a mental and physical rollercoaster ride. I could talk about how crappy I felt, and how various aspects of my life and the people in them, make things a lot more difficult than they need to be.
Instead I’m going to talk about my beautiful, lovely woman. Without her I would probably still be in bed today, and goodness knows what I would do without her when I’m feeling extra shitty. Like yesterday.
This is a woman who has her own aches and pains. This is a woman who has her own emotional and mental journey to continue on. I’m very conscious of this. When I’m feeling so low, I’m not sure that I want to be so vulnerable and so needy, when she has so many others who need her, not to mention her own needs.
But she allows me the space to be as I am. I don’t have to pretend to be OK when I’m not. I don’t have to feel that my feelings are secondary, or less than another person’s. (It’s probably not surprising for those astrologers out there to guess that she is a Cancer.)
Do you know that she has these wonderful clear blue eyes? And that when she smiles her whole face lights up and it’s incredibly beautiful. To me she is a wonder of sexiness and caring, strength and vulnerability, levity and depth.
I love hearing her laugh. We joke a lot, which means we laugh a lot. We talk about things, hard things. And sometimes we just hold each other. She is a wonderfully caring mother and I love seeing her with her children.
She is very good at the job that she does – helping people. I’m very conscious of not being like those people that she has to prop up every day. She says it’s different with me and I know that for her it probably is, but I still feel uncomfortable sometimes being vulnerable or sad.
I’m amazed every day that I could have met someone so wonderful and beautiful as her.
I thought I would be alone for a long time. It didn’t really worry me that much that I was going to be alone for a long time, and I wasn’t looking for anyone when I met my lovely.
I could not be more grateful and happy for her presence in my life.
She makes me want to be a better person. She makes me want to do all the things I swore I would never do again after my last relationship/marriage ended. I want to sit on the couch with her and cuddle each night – we are never getting recliners!
I cannot see the future without her and I’m very pleased and lucky that she feels the same about me.
My wish for everyone is (should they want it) to find someone that fits them, someone that seems to be clicking, with no drama, rough edges, or too many compromises.
Even though we’ve only been seeing each other for six months it feels like we have known each other for a very long time, and as we are both beyond 40 there is a maturity to our relationship that could not have happened in our earlier lives. Having said that, we act as if we are both about 17 years old when we are together!
One of those things that makes it a bit mature is an acceptance of the person as they are. I’m not sure if it’s my age or how I am consciously but I have less expectations and more acceptance on how we are, both physically and mentally. When I say less expectations, what I mean is that this is the person that I presented as at this point in my life and same for her, so I don’t have unrealistic ideas about how we should look or be or act. We are who we are and that is all. And it is also very beautiful, wonderful and amazing.
I feel very much that I don’t want to repeat the mistakes I made in my previous relationships. And I’m really working on that with my lovely. She too is on her own journey of learning how to be herself, learning how she wants to be in a relationship. It’s nice to be with someone who is actively learning and creating themselves from a mature and conscious perspective. This is not an implication that I haven’t been in those sorts of relationships before, just that now it is very nice to be working at the same time with someone towards our own individual consciousness.
Let’s fill the page with love and focus on the positive, the beautiful, the wonderful things that we have in our lives. It doesn’t mean we can’t write about crappy things on the days when we feel we need to, just that if we feel we have a choice, to choose the positive.
Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring