Choosing again, someone you like

‘My desires in a relationship have changed over time. I no longer want someone who promises to always love me and never leave me. I need someone that understands that life happens and sometimes things don’t work out. I don’t want someone who sugar coats things and never gets angry with me, I need someone to tell me how it really is and put me in my place. I need to be able to go five hours without talking to you and not feel lost or incomplete. I am complete without you. But with you, I want to be so much better. I want to be stronger with you. I want us to grow together and help each other grow individually. I don’t need you, but I really fucking want you. And this may not work out but the fact that you understand all of this and how our relationship works, makes me think we’ve got a pretty good shot.’ Via therestislife, Tumblr

I love this quote from someone on Tumblr. It expresses what I feel about relationships now.

I’ve previously said that I don’t think there is ‘the one’ and I’m no longer looking for that person.

However, I am lucky I have found the one for now, my lovely teacher who the Universe has sent to school me in whatever lessons I need to learn.

I sent her this today…

  
(And in case you can’t see the picture)
‘I like poems
museums
real conversation
genuine people
text messages
Friday nights
fantasies
I like stories
intimacy
I like soul’

With the addition of ‘I like you’.

I think it’s important in a relationship to ask yourself if you really like that person, or if it’s all about lust and drama because after all the lust and drama (and don’t get me wrong, lots of lust and some drama is pretty good) are done, what are you left with?

My current relationship is so far not overly drama filled. We very much enjoy hanging out together, regardless of the level of excitement. We don’t have to ‘do’ anything to enjoy each other’s company. There needs no more stimulation than a chair and a cup of tea in the back garden and we are more than happy. That said, of course we do things together like dinner, movies (there’s an in joke here!) and hanging with friends. And the sex is amazing…

She makes me laugh and think and smile and care.

I feel very fortunate to be able to have such a chance again to be with someone and be a better person because of them. I’ve said before that I didn’t expect it so soon, because my previous relationship was so long and I just wasn’t looking for anyone else.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be in a relationship. It was that I was unhappy how I was in my previous long term one. (Side note: what is the definition of long term?) And I was prepared to be single for a long time so that I could be happy.

So it’s been quite interesting to me to see what I feel when different things come up with this new relationship. Rediscovering all the negotiations that you have to do. The little and big discoveries about a person, what they do, what they like.

And it’s interesting to me the things that I consider doing that I haven’t had to consider for a while, or maybe I had a rule about that I’m reassessing. Like sleeping on a particular side of the bed, for example. I probably would not have considered swapping sides previously, for reasons that may (probably) have been stubborn.

However, as it turns out, I have a sore shoulder, the new lovely girl has a sore shoulder and if we swap sides, shoulders are not as sore! So I changed the side of the bed for her. Just like that.

I know it might seem odd that I didn’t do that before for whatever reason, but when you go back to the start of something, it frees you up to act differently. To choose again. To reassess.

The whole point it to choose again. And maybe I’ll choose the same, and maybe I’ll choose differently, it really just depends.

I’m enjoying it and looking forward to everything and anything that I have to learn about myself, and with her.

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring
A person

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