Accidentally hurting people is not my preference.
Hurting people at all is not my preference, to be frank.
However, in the course of life, it happens. Sometimes you hurt people without meaning too. And of course, you get hurt by people who don’t mean to hurt you.
I’m trying to make rules (?) about how I can keep a relationship alive and beautiful. I don’t want to mess it up. I’ve decided that moving in, getting married and recliners are all counter to keeping the magic and romance alive. This is my experience from my past long term relationships.
But in ‘deciding’ that for myself, I inadvertently hurt someone.
I hadn’t thought about how those ‘rules’ might affect the person they were meant to keep good with.
I sought to protect myself from ‘failing’ at a long term relationship again. It didn’t matter who it was with, these were the things I decided to avoid – probably not forever but definitely for now – to try to keep that magical honeymoon, lovely part of the relationship going.
However, I’m not sure I thought I would never live with anyone again. I probably thought I would never ‘marry’ again (as far as I can, as a lesbian in Australia, marry my girlfriend). Definitely never getting recliners though!!
Meanwhile, what had not occurred to me is that the other person in a relationship with me might actually want to call someone her wife.
Or that someone might not believe that the magic had to disappear the moment you are sharing a washing machine and toilet paper on a daily basis.
Of course I would like to live with someone special again. However I’m still just getting used to having my own space again. I figured she would be too. But one should not assume such things!
How did I get that all wrong?
Mostly because I made a decision in a blanket way, without assessing the finer details or waiting until I actually met someone. When you are hurt, it’s easy to do this – easy to just decide you aren’t going to do a particular thing anymore.
That’s the danger of prejudging or making blanket decisions. They might need a rethink if you meet someone who breaks that paradigm right open.
Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring