Dead flies and soap scum – the first rental inspection is nearly here!

Warning: I may swear and use all caps in this post. Just saying.

I’m renting a lovely house at the moment. It’s got a great view and it’s pretty new, so it’s very nice.

But I haven’t been in the rental game for some time – like 14 years or so – and so I’m not up with the whole rental scene. All that asking for permission to put a hook on the wall, have a pet or plant something in the garden.

So I was wondering when my first inspection was going to happen and got the letter in the mail this week. For those of you in the world of home ownership, this is what you are missing out on:

  • Clean stovetop and oven – yes, perfectly reasonable. Solid hotplates treated with a blackening agent – ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Fortunately I don’t have those but FOR SERIOUS??
  • Exhaust fan grills taken down and cleaned, ceiling vents cleaned, range hood filters cleaned – look, I don’t know about you but if you clean these things once a year, it’s a good year. I don’t have an exhaust fan but I do have range hood and 20 ceiling vents. Its summer and I haven’t used them…
  • Soap build-up on shower screens and tiles cleaned off – yes perfectly reasonable. I’m anal about cleaning the shower before I get out each time anyway, so not worried about that one. You on the other hand, with your soap scummy glass…
  • Window and door tracks cleaned – well, hello. This only happens when the build-up of dead files and bugs on the tracks becomes so much that it’s affecting the functioning of the door. I don’t want to get done for a few dead flies but seriously, this is Australia and I have a lot of damn window and door tracks!
  • All light fittings cleaned. Doors, floors, and skirting boards cleaned. ARE YOU SERIOUS? Skirting boards only get cleaned if the dust layer is visible. And clean doors, DOORS? And light fittings? If you think I’m debugging the fluorescents at the risk of breaking the damn things you are wrong. Meanwhile, it took a year to clean the inch of bugs out of our previous lounge room lights…then again, we did need a ladder for that.
  • Lawns mowed and edges trimmed – well the lawns (ahahahahaha yeah right, like you’ve provided me with a lawn…this is Australian country living we are talking about…clumps of grass, weeds and dirt interspersed with some pebbles and shale rocks) are mowed. The edges…hmmm well maybe I’ll attempt to clear the grass that is growing between the path and the house wall because it hasn’t been sealed properly.
  • Flower beds, tan bark and pebbled areas weeded – look, I love gardening but when you have an empty bed that isn’t filled with anything it’s gonna get a million weeds in it. Maybe I’ll mow them down but how about helping me out. I’d love to tend to some plants there…but wait, I’d have to ask permission to plant them first.

It sounds like I’m a terrible house keeper but really I’m not! The house is clean and tidy. I’ve written before about my love of my robot vacuum cleaner and he runs every couple of days to keep the carpet nice and clean. I love a benchtop free of shit so that’s pretty sorted and I always clean the shower.

I think what really gets me is being TOLD what to do. Yeah, I hate that shit. So I’m a little defensive about it.

Plus, it’s all about the judgement isn’t it? Someone is going to come in and say no that needs work, or yes, that’s good enough. I’m 43. I’ve owned my own houses and I’m pretty good with other people’s stuff. I’m kind of unhappy about someone coming in and judging if my adulthood skills are up to scratch!

Not that I blame these ladies who have to do this. They are just doing their job. But I’ve had some bad experiences of trying to do the right thing and then getting stung for it because a third party stuffed something up…like dry cleaning curtains and wrecking them. What a fucking nightmare fight that was – months of time trying to resolve it.

Anyway, in the end, I’ve just got to suck it up really. Get my big girl pants on and play by the rules.

Sigh. Looks like I’ll be collecting dead flies…

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring
A person

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One thought on “Dead flies and soap scum – the first rental inspection is nearly here!

  1. Pingback: The inspection went well… | a person's blog

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