Walking in the country with Sam and TP…

I finally got myself off the couch today and went for a country walk. It felt good to be out in the sunshine.

I don’t know if it is the forgiveness work I’m doing but I wore a tank top, which I never go out in but today I felt OK about it. Today I wanted to bear my arms to the sunshine and watch the sweat moisten my skin there, see my cleavage glisten. It feels nice to appreciate my skin.

I’ve told you now by Sam Smith is sweetly singing in the back of my mind –

You know what I mean
It’s like walking in the heat all day with no water
It’s like waiting for a friend
Watching everybody else meet theirs on that corner

There are so many things to see even a short few kilometres is like opening up new doorways…

road

I love the architecture of dead gums. Sadly there are too many of them but they are beautiful none the less, twisted, grey, with subtle shading and knobs, bumps. Winding leafless into the sky. I watch them as I walk by.

The birds still love them.

I’m preceded by a parrot of some sort – green head and body with a red face and chest – and it’s lovely and free and I watch it fly around in front of me. It flits from one side of the road to another, showing me its colours and wings and freedom.

But what the hell
Why do you think I come ’round here on my free will?
Wasting all my precious time
Oh, the truth spills out 

The Christmas beetles throw themselves at my feet on the ground – they remind me so much of my childhood. Crazy beetles that end up upside down and I don’t know how many I’ve turned over again so they can fly away, if they still have it in them.

Not many butterflies today, where previously they have been prolific as I move up Stadtmillers Lane, wih its gravel and its sandy coloured dust. The sun beats down and it’s not as hot as previous days but sunnier.

stadtmillers2

So what the hell
Why do you think I come ’round here on my free will?
Wasting all my precious time

I feel my body heating up and my calves are screaming, locking tightly. My calves are the reason I met TP. The person I cannot stop thinking about. I have not recently met someone I feel so much chemistry for. It seems unfair that the Universe should put someone so closely in front of me and then make them unavailable.

Oh, the truth spills out
And oooooo oh I’ve
I’ve told you now

I’m not going to see her any more. I can’t stand the thought of wanting someone that I can’t have. I want to use that energy towards someone who I can have. Who is available. Whoever that might be…

As I’m walking and the song swirls around my mind, a Kookaburra is chased off a tree by some smaller birds, noisily protecting their territory.

But what the hell
Why do you think I come ’round here on my free will?

I think about walking with her. It would be so nice to walk with someone. But then of course my mind drifts to her body in a bikini, because she has a body that would look good in one. And taking it off and touching her, kissing her, fucking her. Even loving her.

You’re everything I want,
Why should I resist when you are there for me?

I come back to the road. The cicadas are singing loudly and there are birds calling in the distance. I can hear the cars from the highway. Not quite as romantic but still, part of the experience.

I’m going to tell her why I can’t see her any more. How embarrassing for her! But for me, it’s part of my resolutions for 2015. No expectations. Being brave for 20 embarrassing seconds. Walking tall afterwards and moving on. Not presupposing the outcome.

I turn around for home, the sun heat builds on my exposed upper arms. I like it. I feel strong. My calves are not as sore on the flat bitumen, and I’m re-joined by the parrot for a little bit. Retracing our steps.

Wasting all my precious time
Oh, the truth spills out

I admire a large broken branch that lounges alongside the road. The tree is still red inside, splintered and broken. The branch runs colours from tan, cream, grey and almost white bark. It bends and curves like a beautiful woman, or maybe that’s just me projecting?

The cricket is back on when I get home. It’s summer in Australia. I feel alive, happy. Soon TP will be a January memory and I’ll think of someone else. Unless of course, the two percent chance is realised (oh would it that work out like it does in my mind’s eye!). However, I have no expectations.

And oooooo oh I’ve
I’ve told you now

Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring
A person

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