From my experience there seems to be three things that long term lovers fight about: sex, money and washing up.
Fortunately there is the whole dishwasher thing happening, so mostly that is solved. Although then you still get annoyed about packing/unpacking and ‘why is this stuff in the sink when the dishwasher is like, right there!’ And yes, I’ve been on both sides of that thought!
Sex is a tricky one. Generally everyone starts out with the same libido – full on wanting to fuck every day with this new person.
Then you move in together, know you’re going to see each other every day. Thing settle into a routine. That doesn’t mean sex has to or even does initially but eventually the relationship starts to mature, life events creep in. It’s then that the differential (in my experience) comes in. Someone wants it less. Someone wants it more.
To be honest, it was often me that wasn’t ‘in the mood’. I had issues with depression and the medication sucks your sexy time thoughts out like a vacuum cleaner. I literally did not even think about sex. This is not ideal in a long term relationship!
To counter this, scheduling lovemaking actually helped. It’s not romantic (well, it can be depending on the way you schedule it!) but once you start, I find you get into it pretty quickly!
Meanwhile, money fights can stress even the most sexed up relationships.
If someone is a tight budgeter and the other a spendthrift, there is always going to be issues. Or alternatively, if you can’t agree on the savings/spending goals for the year ahead…holiday versus new car/house renovation – whatever.
Money values are probably one of the most important things to get aligned in a relationship, in my opinion. It’s not that one is right or one is wrong. It’s just that when you have one of each value in a relationship, there is going to be clashes and tension.
There’s always scheduling and dishwashers for the other two!
I say all this but I’ve only been in two long term relationships. I count long term as more than a year, but I’m not sure if that is the official ‘long term’ definition or not. Of course, some of these things will come up regardless of length of time together. Probably not so much the washing up one though – well not for me anyway, I only lived with two people!
It’s interesting to try and consider what might happen in the future. Right now I can’t wait to be in my own space again, after living in my brother’s guest room for four months. It’s been so great there but I’m ready for my own space and to be the grown up again. So living with someone else in a relationship right now is far from my mind.
Eventually though I will want that again and it will be interesting to see what ends up happening. I couldn’t have predicted anything that happened in this year, so I’m not even going to try for next year! I’m planning to live, work, travel to the US and Canada, be a good parent.
That’s it for the plans – we’ll see how many come true!
Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring