They come in the night, in the day, any time.
They will make you doubt yourself, your actions, your thoughts.
They will destroy good things because they are frightened of what it means. Because they don’t understand, or they have an agenda.
I’ve just experienced my first long distance break up. It’s been sad.
Sadder though, is why we broke up. It wasn’t because there was a problem between us.
No, the issue was that something that started out as good and right, was determined by others to not be right anymore.
What started as ‘age is just a number’ changed to ‘age is now an issue’.
What started out as ‘we can do this’ crumbled to ‘the distance is too far’.
What started out as ‘I can make decisions for myself’ ended up being influenced by the whispers of others.
I know, from speaking with others in long distance relationships, that this is not uncommon. People who don’t understand (and hey, once I might have been one of them) how you could fall for someone, care for someone, love someone, without ever meeting them first, make judgements, comments, whispers, questions.
I’m not saying that these people are bad. I’m sure they are concerned for their good friend. They are right to ask questions. The world is full of strange people.
I got questioned too … ‘Don’t give her any money’ … ‘Is she really who she says she is?’ … ‘What could you see in someone so young?’
But I guess this is where my age does make a difference.
When I was her age, I too would listen to the whisperers. After all, they have my best interests at heart, don’t they? When you are younger it is harder to see the agendas, the lines, the difference between care and concern, and manipulation. With age comes the ability and experience to see the wider game.
I can’t fight these whispers. I don’t want to. There is no point. If what I have shared of myself is not enough for a person to see that I have no agenda but to love a person for who they are, then I can do nothing more.
And I have been through this lesson on the other side. I know that I was saddened when I realised I had ended something that was good just because someone else had convinced me it wasn’t. And I did regret.
It still hurts to be maligned because I can’t defend myself to these people and I hate that. I hate that I have to just suck it up and lose something precious to me because they put doubt in a mind that was so sure about how she felt. It hurts me to think she now feels what we had was wrong when she felt it was so right until now.
But I will never, ever, be with someone who feels it is wrong to be with me. I will not hurt myself in that way.
If you know someone who is in a relationship and you don’t like it, are unsure about it, jealous about it, concerned about it, ask that person questions by all means.
However, before you do, ask yourself – why do I care so much? Is my concern about my friend’s safety and welfare, or is it because I have another agenda? Do I have feelings for that friend that I don’t want to admit? Am I jealous of that friend because they have found something lovely and I have not? Be clear about your motivations before you question and advise. Regardless, your friendship means a lot to this person and your influence should be used in a positive way.
I’m hurting but I’m not angry. I’m sad because I can see the whole game and can do nothing about it. I lost and I can’t fight back. I know my own heart was true. I know my words were truthful. I know my intentions were good. I have lived up to my code and that is all I can do.
For me to lose in such circumstances is incredibly painful, and my heart is heavy and my tears are real.
But as they say, I will survive.
I will take the lessons this beautiful teacher blessed me with to my next relationship, whenever that is. Whoever she is.
And let this final lesson of the whisperers be a lesson to all – be sure before you tear apart something beautiful that you are doing it for the right reasons, because it can never be put back together again.
Wishing you all the happiness the Universe can bring